MARRIAGE:A MUSLIM'S VIEW

The best reason to marry a woman is for her fear of Allah and obedience to him.Marry her for her religion.
Marriage is an essential part of a Muslim's life as one has completed half his deen by doing such.But a lot of Muslims fail to take into perspective the basic pre-requisites which if not met,could lead to the collapse of a marriage.A lot of people these days get married just because they feel its 'time'.This could mean being financially buoyant enough or because the parents have so decreed.
A basic thing intending spouses should look out for in themselves is MATURITY;Emotional and psychological.For Starters,a person who wants to get married only because he or she is rich enough or because all their peers have gotten married is someone whose marriage life in 10-13years is what we see around us a lot today.That stage when there are no more dates,special gifts,laughter and long chats.That stage where you would both love a particular TV programme and yet watch in separate rooms.When conversations are limited to a 'must-have' basis.
A lot of Muslims under-value the Sanctity of marriage and thus,have not been able to derive the blessings accruing from it.Its a source of Ever-lasting Peace and Joy if you meet who is right.The most productive people on earth never take for granted these two elements.When you are happy and contented with yourself,you are always at your best.When you aren't,you go from a productive person to a workaholic who bury themselves in work because they are running from something or because its their only source of joy.You only get temporary respite when you run away from your problems.
If you marry a righteous lady you love, you put yourself in the best possible position to fulfill your marital obligations as stipulated by the Quran and Sunnah.
A hadith of the Prophet (SAW) goes-
'If a husband and wife look at themselves with love, Allah looks at them both with Mercy'.
The true test for those who say they abide by this hadith is being married for at least 8 years and above and still loving each other like its the first day.Most men today think its 'manly and african' to be in charge at all times.They just have to show friends who come visiting 'who the man is' by ordering their wives in a commanding tone to serve them.Speaking in an unruly manner in front of kids who grow up wanting to be everything like their father and lacking the capacity to siev good from evil.You look up at their wedding photo and see two people who were in love...or at least that thought they were in love.They both treated the marathon as a Sprint.
No one would treat who they TRULY love that way.
A matured man who loved hanging out,watching soccer games or shooting pool with friends as a get-away or soothing measure knows things change when he is hooked.She is all of that now because even if he still sticks to those measures,she is the last person he will see and whether consciously or not, she has the power to disrupt any respite he has gained.
So its important he keeps her happy.Get her that iphone or ipad if you can or that beautiful necklace because she could fix all your bad days for free.Nothing like coming home to find her in high spirits after a bad day,it rubs off on you.Problems are better solved when they don't weigh you down and motivation stems from your frame of mind.
There are bound to be disputes as even the Prophet(SAW) once stayed away from his wives for 29 days.Ability to resolve your differences in the best possible manner speaks volumes of your maturity.It takes a matured person to understand why Allah has made him the Imam (leader of his family) and why the Prophet (SAW) described a woman as a rib.The upper part is crooked and if you try to straighten it,you will break it.So treat them with care.Allahu Akbar.
With this permanently engraved in your psyche,there are times you would find yourself laughing later at her rants.Women are such babies.
Personally,I think if a couple truly love themselves,they would trash out issues without resorting to 3rd parties (Parents,siblings,friends et al).True Love has no room for pride and unnecessary bickering as a common ground is usually found in the fear of losing themselves.I was raised to believe I am responsible for all key decisions in my life and should be ready to shoulder the consequences.If I need my parents to help me choose a life partner,fix my marriage or tell me my marriage is over,then perhaps I shouldn't have gotten married at all instead of giving birth to innocent kids that I will forever feel guilty of not providing an ideal environment for growing up for.
A lot of people might ask how to know if you have found the ideal partner and I will say what I always say-if you need anyone to tell you you have found who you truly love then you haven't because if you do then you wouldn't need anyone to tell you.Its a beautiful feeling words can't describe.
All you need do is submit everything to the will of Allah as He knows Best.

'Perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you and Perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you.Allah knows while you know not'.Q:2:216.

How many Muslims today still recite the Istakhaarah to seek Allah's Guidance as regards the suitability of their intended spouses?.
The ones whose parents didn't choose for them have allowed themselves to be swept away by the whirlwind of love and after some years they find themselves getting irritated for weeks by the smell of their partner's fart or the colour of her favourite dress.No difference between those whose union wasn't natural (a product of love).
May Allah Guide us.Ameen.