MOVIE REVIEW: TOMB RAIDER-LIGHT AT THE END OF A LONG DARK TUNNEL

Tomb Raider had the unfortunate predicament of being released when the tsunami called Black Panther was at its rifest.The whole world was watching,re-watching and counting its numbers so much so no one noticed there had been a new addition to the Tomb Raider series and also with a new Lara Croft; Alicia Vikander.

A pretty faced heroine is perfect for the Tomb Raider video games and other similar aspects of the franchise but then as far as the acting goes,she had to meet up with the standards set by none other than Angelina Jolie.

She does put in some decent work however,with a glaring flaw-the lack of a gritty edge.A girly look only compounded that.

To the movie itself,Tomb Raider is average and it has the last 45 minutes to be grateful to for that.It doesn't really start till Lara gets on the Island and the spectacular kicks in only when she opens Himiko's tomb.

The beginning lets you in on Lara Croft's personality-combat sports athlete and self-dependent young lady who wouldn't touch her late father's wealth because it reminds her of him.She eventually gets close and stumbles on what he was working on at the time he disappeared.It sounds pleasant but then as a walk-through it was lack lustre and pretty much slow-paced.Like even the producers themselves couldn't wait to get to the steamy part.The $600 bike race was the closest thing to excitement before the plot thickened.There could be better synergy between the beginning and other parts.

Tomb Raider is one of those instances where a good story turns bad in the transition called screen play.A story most impressive to a listener oblivious of how torrid a watch it got at times.In a nutshell,the story wasn't properly breathed life into.Even the fight scenes weren't what they should be.The sexiness of a pistol weilding Angelina Jolie cannot be matched by a bow and arrow Alicia Vikander.

But it does close with some fireworks.The tomb scene was quite electrifying.While the effects may not be top notch,the nail biting suspense overshadows that.

It looks like its all done till Croft gets back home to discover the work's just getting started.We might just have a straight continuation in the next instalment.Quite intriguing.

Live through foreplay for a decent roll in the sack; Tomb Raider in a few words.

I SECOND SECONDUS: THE SALIENT ISSUES LEFT UNTOUCHED

The clamour for an alternative to the APC and PDP has led to movements like the Red Card and 3rd Force to name a few but realistically,no movement can gather momentum enough to make a significant impact next year.Thus,the PDP still remains nigerians' best hope of ousting the APC government next year.It has an existing structure with guaranteed bloc votes from 2 regions of roughly 18 million registered voters.

The shabby handling of the affairs of the APC; prominent among them party disputes,is largely attributable to the fact that it was a helter-skelter arrangement put in place simply to kick out the PDP. Structuring the party to cater for the many big egos and divergent interests; was never in contemplation and now that it has accomplished its sole goal,the chickens are coming home to roost.

The PDP officially kicked off its electioneering campaign on the 26th of March at the Abuja Transcorp Hilton and its quite shameful that of all the things said by Prince Uche Secondus,the national party chairman,the APC gang has chosen to focus more on the apology he issued on behalf of his party than tackle the issues raised against their government.I highlight 5 of those crucial issues.

1.THE APC BORROWING N11TRN IN JUST 3 YEARS

This really should have had people buzzing the most.The PDP; bad as they may be,borrowed N6trn in 16 years and had projects to show for it.The APC on the other hand has borrowed N11trn in less than 3 years.What exactly have they used that money for?.We have seen Buhari earmark unprecedently high sums for capital expenditure.If they restricted themselves to completing the unfinished projects of the Jonathan administration like they made us believe at some point,then they ought to have made even more impact than we anticipated.It is quite sad that the APC has serially defended its incompetence by chastising the PDP and my prayer is that the future of our country is not tied to the repayment of huge loans incurred as a result of this government's ineptitude

2.THE BOKO HARAM LIE

Though it is really hard to tell if the herdsmen are an extension of the boko haram sect or not,Secondus was right about the Buhari government lying to its people about decimating the sect.Nothing could be farther from the truth.Boko haram has brought this administration to its knees and through the payment of multi million euro ransoms,the nigerian government have become its main sponsors.

When last did we go through a whole week without the fulani herdsmen killing innocent nigerians?.This administration has failed in its paramount duty which is safeguarding the life and properties of its citizens.

3.INCOMPETENCE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DEVALUATION OF THE NAIRA

The devaluation has been attributed to the fall in oil prices.Before Jonathan left office, oil sold for less than $50 and we even witnessed a N10 drop in fuel price to N87 per litre.Yet the exchange rate was N199 to $1.What i'm driving at is quite simple-they managed the plunge in oil prices much better than Buhari and the APC has.

That the free fall of the naira was more down to Buhari's incompetence was confirmed by none other than the Vice-President himself,Prof.Yomi Osinbajo.Buhari's medical trip afforded him a clear opportunity to implement the resolutions of the National Economic Council which he headed.The sum of $250M was injected into the sovereign wealth fund (SWF) and the Central bank was advised to adjust its forex policy.The CBN did and released $371M into the inter-bank market.Barely 48 hours later, the naira had fallen from N510 to a dollar to N400.A couple more moves and it fell further.

Word in some quarters was that he was ready to do more but despite describing the success as a 'team effort',key members of the cabal felt intimidated by his soaring popularity and had the President pull the brakes on his policy.

What this proves is that despite what Buhari and his gang may want us to believe,the falling value of the naira would be better handled if Nigeria was in the right hands.The previous government had some of the best economic minds Nigeria had to offer on board.Buhari on the other hand doesn't even think it needful to appoint an Economic adviser.

4.A NATION DIVIDED UNDER ETHNIC AND RELIGIOUS FAULT LINES

Virtually every secessionist agenda tells a story of a suppressed and deprived people seeking to put an end to the status quo.The fact still remains that President Buhari justified every agitation for a separate state with the 97%-5% declaration.He said those who didn't vote en masse for him shouldn't be expected to be treated as well as those who did.True to his words,he made more than 30 straight non-ministerial appointments without any south-easterner among them.Even the south west which seemed less bothered about its own state kickstarted its own agitation just incase they were asked to quit the north like the ibos at some point.

And like we all know,while Nnamdi Kanu was having to fight off the army for violating his bail conditions,the Arewa youths walked scot-free.Like Secondus rightly pointed out,we have never been this divided.

5.THE FUEL SITUATION

This is one aspect that has perhaps illustrated Buhari's incompetence the most.When President Buhari sought approval from the national assembly to settle the subsidy claims of oil marketers with N413 billion,a few questions were asked as to the propriety of that.Paying that huge a sum in one fell swoop didn't feel right especially if the state of our finances was taken into consideration.It made you appreciate the sound economic minds around his predecessor much better.A lot of things combined to keep our economy going and paying marketers in instalments was one of them.In January of 2016,the government removed subsidy and barely 3 months later,it reverted to paying N13 per litre.In May of same year,it removed subsidy again and increased fuel price to N145.There can only be one logical conclusion from all these-the government is very confused.

After subjecting nigerians to untold hardship with its cluelessness and blaming the 2015/16 scarcity on a number of reasons,it introduced the final one as its justification for increasing fuel price-marketers were unable to source foreign exchange because of the dollar rate.It took it almost 6 months to know that.

Well,like we all know,selling fuel at N145 and even with a much reduced foreign exchange rate hasn't meant an end to fuel scarcity.

We deserve better.

IT IS BOKO HARAM THAT HAS TECHNICALLY DEFEATED OUR GOVERNMENT

Jessy Jonah was a classmate in my early years of high school.He was not only older than the rest of us,he was much bigger.And ironically,the most playful too.He was always ready to kick around black board dusters with us in classroom 'soccer matches' and play the chalk stoning game too.Everyone got a kick out of teasing Jessy because unlike the other big lads,he laughed it off and struggled to hit back with a joke of his own.

But then one day,a fateful Friday i will never forget,he got angry.He got into a brawl with a fellow big boy and i remember how terrified everyone was at how hard he went at him.It was the first time i heard what a real punch sounded like and when it was over,the other guy was lucky to escape with just a bloodied mouth.He was back to being himself on Monday but a lot of things changed.He weilded more power than anyone.If he came wanting to play,everyone did so out of duress.If he teased you,you retorted by teasing yourself even harder.No matter what we did,we just had to keep him happy.We had been subdued.

The Buhari government is us and boko haram is the 'new' Jessy.They not only make demands government must meet,they must do so by their laid out terms.

As has been confirmed by senators Ahmed Lawan and Joshua Lidani,the government pays out millions of euros to the terrorist group as ransom.It clears out military personnel for them to return kidnapped school girls and move back to their base.A cease fire was according to the DSS, the only condition given for a return of the Dapchi girls.Boko haram even dictates when we fight.It is the government of the federal republic of Nigeria that has been technically defeated by boko haram and not the other way round.

Shortly after the minister of information,Lai Mohammed claimed no money was given to the terrorist group for the return of the Dapchi girls,reports surfaced to confirm the fear of nigerians that there actually was.And not only that, 5 boko haram prisoners were also released with 3 of them,bomb makers.

It is not uncommon for governments to make secret deals with terrorists but the peculiarity of our circumstance borders round the fact that we are turning into the main sponsors of our number one security threat.We are starting to hear about a liberal Al Barnawi faction which isn't as pre-disposed to violence as Abubakar Shekau's.But spurred on by the millions Shekau got for the 2017 release of 82 chibok girls,it has started to launch its own kidnappings.So technically,we are sponsoring 2 boko haram factions and my fear is that with the huge financial war chest at their disposal,they could resurrect their cells in states outside the north-east to join the kidnap craze.The implications stretch that far.

In as much as i believe the life of one school girl may be worth all the money in our treasury,i am particularly saddened by the role government's incompetence has had to play in this.The moment boko haram kidnapped persons on more than 2 occasions within a short period of time,even the most passive of observers could tell it was only a matter of time before they targeted schools.The Chibok girls saga was supposed to have taught us an invaluable lesson but no,the Buhari government chose to keep lying about defeating boko haram 'technically' instead of protecting schools and other soft targets the terrorists were likely to strike going by their antecedents.

Week after week,while boko haram was bombing innocent nigerians,there was always one or more member of Buhari's government waiting to tell us just how toothless they had become.They wallowed in self-deceit and neglected to do what was expected of them.

Now we are paying the price for that.Not only with our money but with the lives of innocent school girls.Its sad.

MARYAM SANDA: BREAKING THE HEART OF THE COURT OF NO LAWS

Being a lawyer entails seeing things entirely differently from everyone every now and then.We end up even more castigated than the villains themselves in the court of public opinion;the court of no laws.

While i fully appreciate the need to fight corruption and punish corrupt individuals as a deterrent,non-legal persons found it difficult to understand why i thought it would be hard for the Code of Conduct Tribunal to dismiss the no case submission by Senate President,Bukola Saraki in his matter before it.The two most important witnesses-one from the EFCC and another from the Code of Conduct Bureau; fumbled in their testimonies.While the EFCC witness admitted to the filing of a charge before the preparation of a witness report,the one from the CCB was caught lying about the contents of his affidavit.

As it turns out,the CCT dismissed the 18 count charge though with 3 of those counts returned to it by the Court of Appeal for trial.Those 3 counts were returned on the basis that there were contradictions on how money used to purchase a house in Ikoyi was raised.While his bank says it was gotten through loans,Saraki said it was from the sale of sugar and rice.It doesn't sound water tight and if it fails like the bulk of the prosecution's case has,the Supreme court of public opinion will uphold the earlier judgement that CCT chairman, Danladi Umar isn't clean and that if the authorities dig deep,they will find how Saraki bribed him.The law is an ass?.Well,maybe.

The 1st defendant in the celebrated husband-killer case,Maryam Sanda was recently granted bail by Justice Halilu of the FCT high court on the 5th application.The ruling has come under much criticism with many describing it as dubious,unjust and a product of a justice system poised to serve the whims of the rich.

I was particularly intrigued by the take of the editor-in-chief of Desert Herald newspapers,Tukur Mamu.Mr Mamu,after strongly disagreeing with the decision of the court in an article,felt the need to write an additional piece after receiving a call from a retired president of the appeal court who was himself disappointed at Justice Halilu's ruling.It is either of 2 things-that Mamu was lying or that the president of the appeal court is a quack.In as much as Mamu shares in the disappointment of most,it is preposterous to attack Justice Halilu's decision on the grounds he did.That they think a judge should enquire from the prison authorities and the police prosecuting her (yes,a former president of the court of appeal actually thinks the police the right party to prosecute homicide at a high court) before granting bail is ridiculous.It is the responsibility of the prosecution,having studied the application of the defendant,to counter the grounds she has raised just like it is the responsibility of the defence to attach her medical records to her application and not that of the court like he claims.In this case,she presented a medical report emanating from the National hospital,Abuja.

Contrary to what Mamu and his likes may want us to believe,it is the duty of the prosecution to prove to the court that there are medical facilities that can cater for her ill-health and not for the court to do so on its behalf.

In almost all cases,bail in murder cases are on the ground of ill-health and such ill-health have been of a nature that require an accused person to seek better medical attention than the authorities can provide.Maryam Sanda's case isn't any different.

How convenient a time to fall critically ill some people may think but studies also show that if there is any health condition likely to be triggered off by incarceration asides a mental one,it is a heart condition.Erring on the side of caution is the wisdom behind the court's decision.

Maryam Sanda isn't only suffering from a heart condition,she is also pregnant.That is an extraordinary circumstance and it is in the best interest of justice,to allow her take care of herself.

Again,the lawyers are on trial in the court of no laws.

PEACE CORPS BILL:THE CURSE OF THE CAUSE FOR THE CORPS

As the pressure on the President to sign the Peace Corps bill into law intensifies following increased malefactions by the boko haram sect and fulani herdsmen,I have never agreed with President Buhari more than i do with his decision to withold his assent.Senator Shehu Sani just days ago,called for Buhari to rescind his decision and deploy them to protect schools from gun men..A non-armed para-military outfit,protect schools from arm weilding terrorists?.The senator is a man i admire but his position on the peace corps sounds pretty much same with that of everyone else calling for it; it just doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't even make any sense to still maintain the National Security and Civil Defence Corps.This much i wrote in an article titled CUTTING THE COST OF GOVERNANCE in support of then president-elect Buhari's plan to cut costs.We can only indulge in these 'luxuries' when we have revamped the police force to at the very least,a presentable standard.It is very easy to understand why the Buhari government has borrowed N11 trillion in 3 years with practically nothing to show for it.It has misplaced priorities and that regrettably,has added a tinge of justifiability to even the most ludicrous causes.A peace corps advocate would be right to say the security challenges we are facing have overwhelmed our law enforcement agencies and that necessitates an urgent need to complement or supplement them.In some countries abroad,the responsiblities of what we have as the Federal Road Safety officials are carried out by police officers that have been trained in that regard.

Our focus should be on equipping the police force,recruiting more man power and providing the needed training instead of establishing a para-military outfit we would have to fund in these dire times.Senator Dino Melaye,at a plenary session of the senate on Wednesday,adviced that the senate initiate measures to secure the two-third majority in both houses needed to override the assent of the president.He listed gainful employment of youths as one of the merits of passing the bill.At a time the government is struggling to pay salaries and is mortgaging the future of this country via hefty loans,it is absurd that a senator of the federal republic would want to us recruit hands by the thousands we won't just pay salaries but also fund the organization that employs them with muti-billion naira allocations.

The Civil defence corps presented a N61.5 billion budget to the house of representatives in 2017.Just weeks ago,it requested N5 billion with the procurement of 'anti-nuclear and biochemical threat' equipment as the highlight of its intended purchases.That they deem that a priority best illustrates how much we give to bodies like this we don't need to squander.Despite the subsequent arming of the corps,the police it is that have remained at the fore front of combating crime and securing lives.The establishment of the NSCDC hasn't checked vandalization of our key installations or lightened the burden of the police force enough to deploy men to police posts in rural areas across the country that still have less than 4 men.I primarily reside in Kano,which happens to be the largest state in Nigeria.For many years now,most neighbourhoods in the metropolis have resorted to local vigilantes to protect them.In times of crisis,badly wounded victims of robbery attacks cannot get police escorts to hospitals,which is a prerequisite for medical attention because they need every officer.How has the establishment of the NSCDC whose main responsibilities,like President Buhari said are sought to be duplicated by the Peace corps,helped make the country a more secure place?.

It would be utter madness to add another para-military outfit to supposedly complement the police.If it were up to me,the NSCDC would have been long scrapped.The establishment of a peace corps shouldn't even be an issue at all.We simply don't need it.

REJOINDER TO MARK ISOCHUKWU: IF YOU THINK CDQ IS WRONG THEN YOU HAVE A BIG PROBLEM

Dear Mark Isochukwu

It was with much disgust that i read your article chastising indigenous rap star,CDQ for the way he reacted to Big Brother Naija housemate,Ifu's claims that she gave her school fees and hand out money to him.I hesitated before writing you this letter because i kept wondering if a presumably sane and adult nigerian deeming sleeping with a 17 year old an offence in this country was worth any time but i chose to because people like you are the problem with our system.Not the young talented nigerians who have defied all odds to become breadwinners of their families or the ones still holding it down for where they come from irrespective of the heights they've attained.It is people like you that would jump at Sen.Dino Melaye for threatening to beat up Sen.Remi Tinubu and paint her a victim even after it was alleged she called him a 'dog' and a 'thug' first.People who would choose sides from a myopic stand point and whip up 'righteous' views for even smaller minds to cue into.

Ifunnaya depicted CDQ as an ingrate and a gold digger.But no,CDQ was wrong to clear the air by saying she was just a one night stand.He shouldn't have worried about the PR damage it would do to his brand and no,he was wrong to get angry when some publicity and vote seeking BBN housemate choses to drag his name in the mud while bettering her lot.

I honestly don't know what law in this country classifies a 17 year old as a legal 'minus' but i know one that avails the defence of provocation.

The 'woke' nigerians you talked about are going at her because she is a disgrace to their generation.That a lady would name-drop a celebrity to 'shine' or curry votes while oblivious of the fact that she was painting herself a willing 'maga' doesn't sit too well with them.

Mr Isochukwu,i am a proud nigerian who would rather be nowhere else.If we made CDQ a celebrity,it is because he makes good music.If we hate Ifu,it is because we believe no lady well trained by her parents would go on live tv to tell the world she was using money they gave her for school on a man.

I honestly don't understand how you can hate a man for speaking the truth.She says she gave him money and he says she was a one night stand.What would you rather he say instead of that?.A one night sit?.C'mon.

Look well abeg.

THE PLAY DON'T CARE WHO MAKES IT EP: 2CHAINZ IS BACK TO BEING 2CHAINZ

The South changed the face of hip hop not only in America but the whole wide world.We witnessed a radical shift from hard beats to catchy ones and dope lyrics to sing alongs.2chainz reps for a rare breed of talents that have successfully cheated that trend.He boasts a lyrical prowess just about as sound as anyone in the game and that stands out his southern recipe.He captures it when he says "Souf..i spell south with an f".

As critically acclaimed as his last album,Pretty Girls Like Trap Music was, it was hard to feel a laid back 2chainz.He appeared stuck on some semi-purist vibe and that bored a lot of his fans.

The Play Don't Care Who Make It EP is a heart felt apology.The wittiest rapper in the game is back in his real elements and that means the full whole total package-Infectious groove and extraordinary lyricism.

Hear him go off on Land of the Freaks-"Yea,i'm a misfit,dipshit,fish sticks,6 whips,times 2,i'm cold,swine flu,must i remind u?"...Car came with everything except a butler/she pidgeon-toed in 'em Christians/Don't f**k with goofy n***as,thats disney".Flow was on steroids.

The trappy Ok B***h reiterates the infectious nature of his sound and on Proud,he recruits the help of YG and Offset to tell the mama-son story from a rarely seen perspective.."Me and mama used to trap out the same house/Used to eat and go to sleep on the same couch/Me and mama got busted at the same time/Went to court and told the judge the damn same lies".

His mad love for the south side of Atlanta where he came up has never been a secret and he chops it real slow and deep on the journey to where he's at on the masterful Lamborghini Truck (Atlanta Shit).He's too tall to fit in a regular lambo but he will when they make the truck.And cop one for everyone in Atlanta as well.

This EP deserves to be remembered as more than just the first 5 star project of 2018 and whats more?.2chainz deserves to die a legend.